Hello Tuesday

When I cross the South Carolina border I get this disconcerting feeling in the pit of my stomach - as if the deepest part of my being is aching to scream, "NOOO!  NOT AGAIN!"  But today turned out pretty good, all things considered.

Isaac and I had a bright-and-early two-hour drive this morning back to South Carolina.  We visited the children's used store and found him a pair of jeans that will be too big (2T's are too short and 3T's fall off.  It's as if the clothing companies honestly think there are nothing but short fat children in the world).

Next we had an extremely long conversation with the woman in the toy store about Thomas the Tank Engine Train Tracks (it's a very complicated world.  If I'd known I wouldn't have dared ask how much the thing costs in the first place).  And then we had lunch with Tim and Ames at this little place that could easily be confused with a nursing home cafeteria.  But that's okay because I started out my morning drinking coffee from a sippy-cup (my thermos was apparently misplaced), so, you know, I was feeling a bit confused anyway.

Afterwards we had an appointment at the ENT.  After a thirty minute wait, the doctor said Isaac does not have fluid in his ears and his unusual silence can be chalked up to having very little to say.  Which sounded okay until I looked at the doctor's feet and realized I'd probably have to get a second opinion.  He was wearing Japanese Rubber Toe Socks.  (Why, why, WHY?!)  They may claim to be "shoes" on their box, but they aren't.  They're just a step closer to the entire human race evolving into Duckbill Platypus.  The manufacturers should stop and consider the advice of Rolf Harris in Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport: Mind me platypus duck, Bill - and more importantly - don't let 'im go runnin' amok.  Very wise advise.  If you want your patients to take you seriously, WEAR SHOES. 

Then I had some time to kill so I took Isaac to see a movie.  Some kids film about wolves.  Unfortunately I didn't know it was 3D.  Isaac refused to stay in his seat, eat his popcorn, or wear his glasses.  Which is sad because without them the entire screen was all blurry and wibbly.  Now, to be perfectly honest, I've never seen a 3D film before.  I wasn't particularly keen on balancing red-and-blue paper glasses on my face for two hours, and furthermore I dislike the idea of having things jump off the screen at me.  Which is why I have no idea if this film was as per usual for a 3D movie, or out-of-focus.  Can someone tell me, please, whether or not a 3D movie minus glasses should be so extraordinarily blurry that you can't tell a wolf from a snowstorm?

Isaac also had his first encounter with a Ladies Restroom today as well.  Okay, maybe I took him in one a couple times as a baby to change his diaper.  But never as a toddler.  I made him stand in the handicap stall with his hands on his head so he wouldn't get any germs on them.  Poor kids going to be abnormal.  As it is, I've only potty-trained him outside.  I'm afraid to let him go diaper-less in the house so I suppose he's going to think it's only natural to use a toilet on the porch.  Can't he just pee off the deck the rest of his life?

After that traumatizing event we went to Target.  And Isaac picked out a new blue model sports car (I'm the type of person who likes to buy her way into the hearts of small children).  He was super excited.  He marched straight up to the checkout line, put his car on the counter, and clapped his hands and squealed when the cashier rung it up and put it in a bag.  I'd try to reproduce the noise phonetically so you could imagine how cute he sounded, but it just wouldn't be the same.  Unfortunately the model car was screwed to its box, so I couldn't get it out for him to play with while in the car (I'm not the type of person who just happens to carry around a mini-phillips-screwdriver in her back-pocket so she can unscrew any unsuspecting toys from their cardboard prisons).   Do you think the toy industry does this on purpose in order to exasperate poor parents and make children scream?  At any rate, those things aren't getting stolen without their super-duper cardboard boxes.

Then we had Chinese food and ice-cream cones with Tim and Ames, which was fun.  And I came "home" to the SC house to find my bachelor's diploma had arrived in the mail, which made me happy.  Plus I was also able to do laundry, which was life-confirming.  Since we moved to Georgia, I've been doing my laundry at mom's house because there is a family of mice living in my washer/dryer box (yes, the washer and dryer are in a box on the porch) and subsequently anything that is dried smells like mouse.  Fievel Mousekewitz and family must be relocated, and the dryer must be taken apart, cleaned, and put back together again.  Until then, I will continue to feel like a college kid.

And now Isaac is watching The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.  Thank you, Veggie Tales Productions, for supplying my child with such perfect role models.  I dearly hope he eventually becomes a lazy, overweight, thirty-something vegetable who sits around and sings about how he doesn't do anything.  Also, why is it that these vegetables have mouths and noses but NO EYES?  I don't get it.

And there you have it.  My entire day.  Goodnight.