Lest We Forget

My kiddo in FB statuses since last summer:
(lest we forget endearing and potentially mockable moments)

8/28/12 - The Return of the Dreaded Pants (all eight pairs): After an enormous tantrum, Isaac wadded the pant legs up so they faintly resembled shorts, and then waddled out the door with his knees knocked together so the legs wouldn't fall down and become pants again.

8/29/12 - Today Isaac brought home a multifaceted stick. It is (apparently) a sword, an electric guitar, and a magic wand by which Isaac pulls little blue elephants out of thin air.

8/30/12 - Isaac learned how to make fart sounds on his arm at school today. Yay. :|

8/31/12 - Every time we get on a train Isaac treats the conductor like a waiter and tries to order bagels and juice. He also does this at the doctor's office. "UH, EXCUSE ME? A BAGEL?" :| If I didn't know better, I'd think he was trying to embarrass me.

9/25/12 - Isaac sings 'The Wheels on the Bus' in Danish and English. His favorite version includes what chickens, sheep, and cats do on the bus, along with various other livestock. Subsequently, it is a Danglish song about a bus in a third-world country.

9/6/12 - We got a print-out with the photos and names of Isaac's classmates today. Found out he thinks all the boys names are Jonas, and all the girls are Girl. And that's what he's been calling them. *facepalm.

9/6/12 – The kiddo just packed the blue duffel bag full of all his clothes, and informed me he is 'going home to have cake.' (By which he means GA.) 

9/12/12 - Isaac is singing 'oh the things people will do for the ones that they love' (head and the heart). Made my day.

9/13/12 - I want to play green pigs, please mama, please? (This is what Isaac calls Angry Birds.)

9/20/12 - This morning, while looking at a printout of the kindergarten kids, Isaac saw Liv’s picture and said, "Isaac holds her hand!"

9/22/12 - At the beginning of this month, Isaac asked when we were going home (stateside). I said, 'three months.' This morning I overheard him saying, "One, two, HOME ON THREE!"

9/23/12 - Since meetings with his speech therapist began, Isaac's demands regarding 'going home' have become increasingly specific. This morning he told me he wanted to 'go home on the 19th on a boat and have ice cream.' So I told him I'd see what I could do (somehow I've got to make two months end on the 19th, turn the plane into a flying boat, and convince the flight attendant that she does, in fact, want to give a redheaded toddler ice cream ... or maybe he'll forget).

9/27/12 - I'm teaching Isaac the Dayo song. He sings it like this: Dayo (pirate) Daaaaayyoooo (pirate) Morning comes and the pirate goes home.

10/3/12 - I told Isaac his birthday was this month, and he would be turning five. And he said: FOR ME?! OH, THANK YOU, MAMA!

10/4/12 - Isaac had another sick day today. We've been painting and playing with legos. He asked me to put the lego men heads back on (because naturally they'd been decapitated), and then said, "Mama is strong!"

10/4/12 - My four-yr-old sets the table perfectly. Then I come out and spill a glass of juice all over everything and say, "Oh shit." Then the four-yr-old says "Yeah, shit, mama." *FAIL

10/10/12 - Just found Isaac staring at his reflection in the window, saying over and over, "Isaac has orange hair. Isaac is a carrot." He didn't seem very happy about it either.

10/15//12 - My kid has deeply-rooted privacy preferences (which involve him telling me, on a daily basis, "GET OUT, MAMA!" whenever he's in the bathroom and I happen to walk by the door), that are in for a rude awakening this Christmas when we go home to the land of twelve-plus people and two bathrooms.

10/23/12 - Isaac is superman today. When he says superman it sounds like Soupman. Which is better, in my opinion.

10/23/12 - Isaac always wants to call Tim on the way home from school. Nine times out of ten, it's a ploy to convince him to bring home cookies. "Uh, daddy? Cookies for Isaac, please? Love you, bye." It almost always works too, so I think he's onto something.

10/23/12 - My kid is on a roll today. He just told me he is "in love." I asked him who, and he said "a girl" and rolled his eyes at me.

10/28/12 - So we're watching The Wonder Years, and Kevin mentions Pussy Galore from 007. So I'm like, "Why was her name Pussy Galore?" (Seriously, why?) And then Isaac jumps up out of nowhere and starts screaming "PUSSY! PUSSY! PUSSY!" And now it's his new favorite word. *Facepalm/Who knew you could go wrong with The Wonder Years?

10/29/12 - Whenever I tell Isaac "let me help you," he says, "No! Isaac will help YOU." I can't tell if he's being a sweetheart or a smart-alec.

11/7/12 - When I pick Isaac up from kindergarten, the other kids always yell "HEJ ISAAC'S MOR!" This kind of makes me happy.

11/10/12 - Isaac is wearing my pinky ring. And it fits him perfectly. I can't wait till this works both ways, and I can wear his dinosaur t-shirts.

11/10/12 - Our new waffle-maker is heart-shaped. Isaac is now continually saying, "Mama, a heart to eat?"

11/12/12 - Isaac asked me to help him set up his train tracks in the living room. I said, 'Sorry, kiddo, got to make dinner.' And now he's in there singing a little song that goes like this: 'Isaaaaaac is saaaaad, saaaaad, saaaaaad ..."

11/14/12 - A new cardboard box came in the mail half an hour ago, and Isaac is beside himself with joy. It's been a car, a train, boat, and is now desperately trying to be a tree fort, with Tim as the tree. The climbing up Tim part isn't working out so well ...

12/5/12 - Isaac just tried on Tim's new shoes, looked at me with this utterly exasperated expression on his face, and said, "MOOOOOOMMMM! They're too big."

12/22/12 - Me: Isaac, don't look. I'm wrapping something for you. Isaac: For me?! (Sits down and prepares to watch). Me: Fine, then I'm going away. To wrap somewhere else. Isaac: Going away? But mama I love you!

1/5/13 - Last time I told Isaac his shower time was up, he said, 'Five more minutes!' It is now his favorite thing to say, but it's up for debate whether he actually knows what it means. 'Can I have paper? Five minutes of paper!' 'Tell me five minutes of secret.' And today, after I asked him if he was done using the bathroom: 'No! Five minutes of pooping!'

1/6/13 - I just watched as my kid wrapped his blue (security) elephant in tin foil and stuck it in the refrigerator. (?!)

1/8/13 - Isaac has trouble with his 'th' sound. Comes out like 'ffff'. So when I tell him 'daddy is thirty,' he says 'Forty?!' ... 'No, thhhhirty,' I correct. And he says, 'Oh. Furry.' ...yeah ok.

1/11/13 - My kid just walked up to me and said, "Can I have a shot glass of milk?"

1/17/13 - Isaac drew me a picture of (in his own words): "A door, a house, a chicken monster, a red light and green light, a car, rocks, Isaac, Liv, heart."

1/18/13 - I was watching an episode of Parenthood, and one mom said to another (I don't know their names): I bribe my kids with candy.
Now, normally I'd think this was a bad parenting technique, but truth-be-told I only wish it would work on Isaac. In my house, it goes down like this: "Isaac, if you eat your dinner you can have a cookie." "Huh. Nah. No cookie." (?!!)

1/21/13 - Isaac has taken it upon himself to be my Human Alarm Clock, only, for whatever reason, he's decided his favorite time is "MAMA, IT'S 14:16!!!! WAKE UP!" ... Which I've come to recognize as 5 or maybe 6:16 AM in reality, although the first time he did this I almost had a heart attack thinking I'd missed half the day. Peculiar child.

1/24/13 - It is (apparently) the most important criteria of Isaac's day that his underwear be blue. I wish I hadn't bought the multicolored pack.

1/25/13 - It dawned on me this morning that if I didn't know Tim, I would probably never take the time to eat an actual meal, I wouldn't own any warm clothing, and I'd have no idea how to navigate public transportation. On the same note, if I didn't know Isaac, I'd have no excuse to play with legos every day and watch Disney's Robin Hood. So essentially, I'd be starving, frozen, lost, and bored.

1/27/13 - "Isaac kissed Liv on the face and she said thank you." ... He's telling on himself in the third person. Weird and hilarious.

2/2/13 - Isaac's been watching all these Jackie Chan cartoons, so whenever he thinks I'm not looking, he goes into mantis pose, chops at the air, and says "HIIIII-YAAAAAA!" I'm trying really hard not to laugh so as not to embarrass him.

2/11/13 - Me: I feel sick. Isaac: Isaac is sick! Me too. I feel good, not. ... I think we're going to have to work on that whole sentence structure thing. And personal pronouns. Or maybe I'll just let him grow up to be Yoda.

2/13/13 - Today was the first time I asked Isaac for a kiss and he responded with, "NO! Kissing is yuck!" No more kisses for this mama.

2/14/13 - Isaac made me a valentine card at school today. It's a picture of me standing next to a heart and for some reason I have 'two belly buttons' (he was very specific about this when he showed it to me). O_o

2/16/13 - Woke up this morning to the sound of Isaac screaming, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" ... I think the little punk is trying to trick me.

2/20/13 - Isaac spotted a little girl in a pink coat on the bus today, and whispered (loudly): MAMA! Look! A BEEAAUUTIFUL girl!" ... Which might strike me as a tad early (he's five) if he hadn't forgotten about her by the next stop.

2/21/13 - We've been reading Dr. Suess. Isaac was particularly impressed with the page that says 'Say, look! A bird was in your ear!' ... And now he thinks there's a bird in his ear as well. Last week, for whatever reason, he was convinced he had spiders in his head. So I think this is an improvement.

2/25/13 - I told my 5-year-old he could have three cookies and he did not have to use a plate. He said he wanted 1.5 cookies and would like a plate. Something has gone amok with one of us, and I can't decide if it's him or me.

2/26/13 - This morning: Isaac, how old are you? ... FIVE! How old am I? ... TWO! How old is daddy? ... FORTY-SEVEN!

2/26/13 - On the bus-ride home today, Isaac spots two gorgeous teenage girls and says, "Mama, I love them." "Why's that?" I ask. "Well. They're pretty." ... He's growing up way too fast, but the main thing is, I'll never have ugly grandbabies. This kid's got taste.

3/1/13 - Usually when Isaac wakes up in the morning, he says (with alarm), "Mama! Where's the sun?!" And I reply, "Sorry kid, wrong country." ... Until today, at least (a happy, sunny Friday!). Isaac woke me up, screaming: "MAMA! I FOUND THE SUN!"

3/2/13 - Tonight, Isaac came up to me and said, "It's my mama! I love her! She's MY girl, see daddy?" ♥ But then later, when I told him it was bedtime, he said, "MAMA YOU COMMUNIST!" ... I didn't even know he knew that word.

3/3/13 - As per his usual, Isaac mushed up all the playdough colors into a big brown mess. I said, "That looks gross." Isaac: "Quiet, mama! These are not poops!"

3/4/13 - Isaac drew me a rainbow and put it in my back pocket. ♥

3/6/13 - My kid is such a trooper. He is covered in chicken pox from head to toe, and his biggest concern today (all day, in fact) is the paper cut on his thumb.

3/7/13 - Isaac thinks that putting his paintings in the refrigerator will make them dry faster. Or so I gather, since the only things I found in there this morning were milk, broccoli, and an entire gallery of watercolor houses on top of enormous hills. I should probably go shopping, or at least ask him to paint us some food.

3/7/13 - Isaac just cut a picture out of the newspaper and said, 'Look it's Jesus!' ... Tim: 'Actually it's Hans Christian Anderson.' O_o (Things that happen in Dk.)

3/19/13 - This morning, Isaac woke up convinced that he'd been scratched by a bird. When I said, "No, that's a paper cut. No bird," he said, "YES ARE!" ... which is his latest new phrase. Of course the English major in me can't handle this, so I correct him and say, "Yes it IS." And now he thinks I'm agreeing with him. "Yes it IS, mom, a bird cut."  o_O  Me: "No you may not have candy." Him: "YES ARE!" Me: "Yes, I may." Him: "YES I MAY!" ... You can see the dilemma.

3/22/13 - Isaac was laughing in his sleep last night, and when I asked him what was funny, he said (without waking up), "Grandma's hair is being silly!"

3/24/13 - No longer needs blue elephant to sleep. Prefers not to be kissed at kindergarten. Says he's drinking coffee when having hot chocolates. And yet, for some reason, finds it necessary to loudly announce (to the world) when he is finished using the bathroom. Go figure.

3/24/13 - Tim empties his pockets. Isaac confiscates old bus pass and says, "A ticket to go home!"

3/25/13 - Isaac: William syg. Liv syg. Syg means sick. Syg, sick. (My kid is teaching me Danish. ♥)

3/25/13 - It's difficult to tell Isaac bedtime stories. Case in point: Me: Once upon a time, there was a prince who lived in a castle. Isaac: No. The castle has a rainbow. Me: Okay. Once upon a time, there was a prince who lived in a castle with a rainbow. He also had a tower, a dragon, and a big flag. Isaac: No. He has a white flag, a red flag, a blue flag, a green flag, a pink flag, and a purple flag. Me: Okay. Also a princess lived in the castle. Isaac: No. A pirate. Me: But the pirate kidnaps the princess! Isaac: No. The pirate has a hook! Me: Nevermind. Once upon a time there was a dog named Buffy. Isaac: No. Buffy is a cat.
I hereby resign as story-teller.

3/28/13 - This morning when I tried to kiss Isaac: Him: NO! SCHOOL SAID NO KISSING! Me: Why? Him: Ferdinand kissed Theresa and they said NO MORE KISSING! Me: But I'm your mama! Him: NO KISSING! :| Reprimanded.