The Day I Met Antonio Banderas, and He Was Weird

Or Bizarre Encounters with the Opposite Sex


Yesterday, while out walking with Isaac, I was approached by a man who looked like Antonio Banderas.  (You didn't really think I met Antonio Banderas, did you?)  Mid-fifties, slick black hair, long gray pea coat, black dress shoes.  (To give you a visual.)

He said, "You have a beautiful daughter."

I stopped in some confusion, glanced at my son, and then glanced back at Antonio (we'll just pretend).  He was, in fact, speaking to me (as opposed to someone who actually had a daughter).  I briefly considered ignoring his oversight, but then decided I might as well correct him.  Wouldn't want Isaac to get confused by overhearing his mama say something like, "Yeah, she gets that all the time."

"Actually he's my son."

"No, really?" Antonio said, with some surprise.

I blinked.  A myriad of responses flew through my brain: Yes, really.  He pees standing up and everything (a lie; he's too short).  Actually I've forgotten, maybe I should check again.  Ah, now that you mention it, I think he may be a girl.  Shoot, this is really going to put a damper on his joining the Boy Scouts.  Oh, I don't know.  Are you really a man?

Instead I just smiled and kept walking.

After a somewhat awkward pause (we were walking in the same direction, you see), Antonio said, "Should I buy you a drink?"

This was followed by another long pause.  I wasn't sure if he was asking me out, or if he was apologizing for assuming my child was a girl.  So I just said, "No, that won't be necessary."

At which point Isaac ran off in the direction of a store that used to keep toy trains in the window display, so I followed him.  Ten minutes later, Antonio was walking alongside us once again.

This time, he tried a new tactic.  "Are you Danish?"  (Now why do people keep asking me that?  I'm exceptionally short, a brunette, and have a distinct American accent.  I haven't got a shred of Scandinavian in me.  Possibly some German, though.)

"Uh, no."

"Do you live alone?"

And onto our fourth awkward pause.  I mean, who asks that kind of question, really?  If you want to know if I'm available, ask that.  It's way less creepy, I promise.

"Actually, no," I finally said.  And then, "I live with my husband.  He's a bodybuilder, a bull fighter, and was casted in the Godfather but had to cancel the gig because he wouldn't stop bringing his dobermans onto the set."  (Actually I just wish I'd added that last bit after 'I live with my husband.'  Antonio's response would've been classic.) 

At this point, Antonio finally seemed to realize he was making little to no progress, and excused himself by saying, "Oh, okay.  You have a lovely evening, then."

Yepp.  Me and my daughter will have a lovely evening.  Bye.


  1. hehe :) you just made my day... this is the first time that i've smiled today, thank you and thank antonio for me if you see him again...

  2. Ha! Well what a lovely walk you had eh? Aside from the "get a clue" personality at least he had all his teeth and was Antonio esq. I usually get scraggly, big beer bellied men, with one tooth yelling, "Shake it Baby!" Which of course makes me want to smack someone.

    Still....Creepy. Do you live alone? Who asks that?


  3. I always knew that Antonio would be creepy!!!! Ha ha ha...well, you got to hand it to the guy for making a humiliating moment into a horrifyingly creepy one.

  4. i think these posts are just affirming the fact that you're a pretty gorgeous lady. ;)

    and that guy is SUCH a creeper for asking if you "live alone". my word.

  5. I couldn't help but have a chuckle as it reminded me of an incident I had a few years ago with this Indian guy is the supermarket. He started out by asking me where something was so I told him then he told me I was beautiful and asked me if I wanted to have a 'drink' with him, which I declined. He must have seen that as a challenge because then next thing I know he asked me if we should 'get out of here and go have some fun?'

    I was gobsmacked and couldn't believe this was happening, again I firmly declined and left the supermarket. I told my girlfriends about it and we all had a good laugh but makes you realise there really are some creepy people out there.

  6. OMG, your too funny;D...thanks I needed a laugh. Don't you just hate it when the witty remarks come into mind after the moments that require them.

  7. Lauren this is hilarious!
    Imagine me saying this in my best Progressive Insurance Faye voice "Happens to me all the time"....except the daughter thing. Usually I'm with a dog so gender isn't a common topic?


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