No Really, What Is Wrong With You?

Tonight I was approached by one of the strangest men I have ever seen. He was small, thin, and appeared to be suffering from some sort of a nervous twitch. Or he was having an epileptic seizure, I'm not sure. I was leaving the coffeehouse when he came and stood directly in front of me, smelling strongly of cigarettes and alcohol.

"You have been driving me crazy ever since you walked in here," he said.

I said nothing because I was distracted by the way his eyes moved in opposite directions when he spoke. If he had given me time to respond, I might have said, "And by that you mean?"

"Can I take you to get some coffee?"

As I was holding a large cup of coffee when he said this, I said, "Um,no."

"I don't mean now!" he exclaimed. "Just, sometime, you know."

"I don't think so." (You're scaring me.)

He leaned in conspiratorially. "Is it because you have a boyfriend?"

"I am married." (And your eye is twitching.)

As far as I can tell, this is the first time that excuse/reason has ever worked for me (go figure). A typical response is, "No you're not; you're just trying to blow me off." To which I am always sorely tempted to reply, "Why thank you for noticing! Finally." Mr. Twitch, however, appeared thoroughly embarrassed and immediately left, which is good because he smelled awful.