11/30/09

Only Communists Buy Fake Trees

Thanksgiving - my family must quote lines from the movie While You Were Sleeping while eating the meal, although I'm not sure why. What began as a humorous conversation ended as an annual compulsion, so much so that visitors mistake it for our own conversation. It goes something like this:

"These potatoes are so creamy."
"Mary mashed them."
"John Wayne was tall."
"Dustin Hoffman was not tall."
"I didn't say he was tall."
"Seven bow ties, I bet!"
"Who the hell is Uncle Al?"

If you've seen the movie, you'll notice that these are in no particular order. Which doesn't matter, actually, since we quickly move on to Close Encounters due to the large mound of mashed potatoes that someone has inevitably shaped into the alien mountain at the end of the film.

House Rule: It is a criminal act to listen to Christmas music, buy a tree, or decorate before Thanksgiving. If we are visiting a department store and happen to hear carols before the turkey is served, we are inevitably offended. It wasn't our decision: it's how we were raised.

A Second Rule: Christmas trees must be real (despite the fact that they give my mother a rash if she touches them - we might feel bad if she wasn't the one insisting on the smell of fresh spruce). We felt like traitors the first year we visited Home Depot to buy our tree (as opposed to driving to the usual Christmas Tree Farm and searching the hills for the perfect shape). They may be real trees, but they don't ever look exactly right when they're from a hardware store. They're lopsided - a true Charlie Brown in various stages of depletion.

We love decorating our tree, but not because we actually like our ornaments and find them endearing. On the contrary, they are an odd assortment of ugly articles that we have an unnatural attachment to; they make us laugh. The tree just wouldn't look right if it didn't have those naked angel butts (gifts).

Our Nativity Set is a collection of painted ceramic pieces with missing heads. We refuse to discard it. We like our memories, intact or otherwise.

We watch the same Christmas movies every year - Home Alone, The Santa Clause, Holiday Inn, Christmas on 34th Street, While You Were Sleeping, and various other films that have nothing to do with Christmas yet somehow made it on the list. We also listen to the same old records (actually vinyl) - Bing Crosby, Johnny Mathis, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Nat King Cole, to name a few. This is my favorite part of the holiday.

. . . What are your holiday traditions?

10 comments:

  1. I hope that you also watch "Its A Wonderful Life". Best film ever!

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  2. Nope. Other than Jimmy Stewart's hysterical expressions, I do not particularly like that one.

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  3. Really? It's A Wonderful Life is certainly on my list! :) But so are fake Christmas trees so who am I kidding? ;) Thanks for letting me inspire your blog post.

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  4. You're so messed up. Frank Capra's masterpiece should def. be on your list!!!!!!

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  5. I'm going to have to agree with whoever Courtney and Jacob are....It's a Wonderful Life is freaking amazing...mostly because I believe Jimmy Stewart is the best thing to hit the big screen...also do you ever watch White Christmas? Cause i just did it was beast....

    And my family's tree getting is pretty similar only we don't cheat and go to home depot...only once we did...but we have this awesome tree farm we've been going to for like four years....and she gives us free candy canes and this year we went quick cause Pam was cold and she and Dad wanted to watch football and I wanted to beat the relatives in getting the tree...we did...it was a whirlwind of family awesomeness....

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  6. I'm going to have to agree with whoever Courtney and Jacob are....It's a Wonderful Life is freaking amazing...mostly because I believe Jimmy Stewart is the best thing to hit the big screen...also do you ever watch White Christmas? Cause i just did it was beast....

    And my family's tree getting is pretty similar only we don't cheat and go to home depot...only once we did...but we have this awesome tree farm we've been going to for like four years....and she gives us free candy canes and this year we went quick cause Pam was cold and she and Dad wanted to watch football and I wanted to beat the relatives in getting the tree...we did...it was a whirlwind of family awesomeness....

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm going to have to agree with whoever Courtney and Jacob are....It's a Wonderful Life is freaking amazing...mostly because I believe Jimmy Stewart is the best thing to hit the big screen...also do you ever watch White Christmas? Cause i just did it was beast....

    And my family's tree getting is pretty similar only we don't cheat and go to home depot...only once we did...but we have this awesome tree farm we've been going to for like four years....and she gives us free candy canes and this year we went quick cause Pam was cold and she and Dad wanted to watch football and I wanted to beat the relatives in getting the tree...we did...it was a whirlwind of family awesomeness....

    ReplyDelete
  8. also somehow my comment was posted three times...i think it is because i thought it was not responding...turns out it was taking it's sweet time...Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result...I am insane

    ReplyDelete

( hippies always welcome )