Synthetic Polymer

Setting aside all fears of becoming that parent who only discusses diapers (and believe me, this is an actual fear of mine; a fate to be avoided at all costs), I am going to write an entire blog entry about Isaac. If all things small are not your cup of tea, then I'd advise skipping the next bit and returning at a later date.

Isaac, at almost thirteen months, has expensive taste in food. He prefers to be fed organic products only (and by that, I do not mean plastic. Unlike most people today, I am sadly aware that organic means carbon-based, thus making the use of the word in most food products redundant). I do not want to discuss the word organic ever again, actually, so back to Isaac.

I am also mothering a kid who does not need any form of rest to maintain a highly active lifestyle. I suppose I have only myself to blame, considering the fact that I consistently exercised and drank numerous cups of coffee during my pregnancy. I also ate a ton of veggies, ergo the all-natural-carbon-based food preferences. (Yes, I am definitely warning all mothers-to-be: do not drink caffeine, move as little as possible during your pregnancy, and NEVER eat vegetables if you don't want the cost of your kid's diet to rival the cost of diapers.)

And that brings me to my next rant. The cost of diapers. Who would've thought that synthetic polymer and two pieces of fragile velcro could make a person go in debt? Especially considering that the one who benefits from it all is also the one taking off his pants so that he can also take off his diaper, so that he can stand in his crib naked and pee everywhere. He actually extracts pleasure from this, especially during my Woe-Is-Me-Dance. (I can teach this to you for a small fee. If you are a mother, you already know it, and no I will not dance it with you. It is highly embarrassing and meant to be done in secret.)

Despite all this, and also including my child's innate need to eat toilet paper, throw my clothes on the floor, and stick his fingers in the electrical outlets, I still love him. I am especially fond of little open-mouth kisses and frequent hugs.